


Nobody teaches you to hurt like this

by AnnaBanana91



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Parabatai, Parabatai Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 03:03:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18327329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaBanana91/pseuds/AnnaBanana91
Summary: Alec is trying to deal with the fact that something's terribly wrong, terribly wrong with Magnus. It's hard.





	Nobody teaches you to hurt like this

**Author's Note:**

> So. I haven't watched 3 x 16 yet, I just needed to get some of my feelings down. I guess this piece can feel a bit hectic, I just figured that's probably what Alec might feel about the whole situation. Like things are happening in slowmotion at the same time as it all happens reallt fast... I hope you liked it, feel free to leave a comment or two :)
> 
> The Title is from the song 'Slide' by James Bay.   
> The words in the beginning is from a song called "Hell or High Water" by Billy Raffoul. (I would recommend you to listen to it while reading, but it's of course up to you) x

_Life's for the the livin', I won't be givin' up_

_'Cause you taught me how to, you taught me how to love_

_Take all I cherished, beat me 'til my body's numb_

_But life's for the livin', I won't be givin' up_

_On you…_

 

_If the wind would change, bring you back again, my love_

_Come Hell or high water, we will rise above._

 

_*******_

“Help! In here, help - Magnus, stay with me! Can you hear me?”  
Alec shook Magnus spasming body once again, praying in silence that he would open his eyes.

“In here, we need help!” Someone had arrived but Alec didn’t dare to turn around to see who, although he was pretty sure it had been Simon’s voice.

“He needs to - a doctor, someone - he’s having a seizure,” Alec mumbled, noticing the lump in his throat getting in the way, but he didn’t care.

“What happened?” Isabelle had entered the room and Alec could hear the worry in her voice as she was telling another Shadowhunter to get one of the medics.

“Hurry!” Alec called. He was used to giving orders, what he wasn’t used to was watching the person you love collapsing right in front of you. If he just kept on giving orders -

The medics arrived and kneeled down beside Alec, another one checking Magnus pulse.

“What’s wrong with him?” Alec asked but was told to move to the side “He needs intensive care, we’re taking him to the ward -”  
“What? Why? The runes - “Alec said, his mind catching up on him. The runes wouldn’t help. A hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Jace.

Everything happened so fast. One minute he was kneeling next to Magnus, the next Alec found himself hurrying down the corridors, giving orders, with Magnus in his arms,Isabelle, Jace and Simon quickly behind him. _Stay with me. Stay with me. It’s going to be okay. Don’t you dare leave me. I love you._  
“Someone call Cataria!”  
“I’m on it,” Isabelle quickly replied and almost collided with Simon while turning to the right.  
“Tell her to get here and - “ The door to the ward opened and their medical staff told him to lay Magnus on one of the beds.  
“I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to leave -”  
“No.”  
“You’ve brought him here, there’s nothing more you can do at the moment”  
“I’m not leaving him!”  
“Alec.” He felt Jace grip his upper arm, silently asking him to take a few steps back. He had unconsciously leaned over Magnus body, grasping for his hand, for anything, just to feel the Warlock’s energy. Nothing.  
“Sir, I’m sorry but you’re gonna have to back off.”  
“Where’s Izzy?”  
“She’s calling Catarina. Alec, listen to me,” Jace pleaded, pulling Alec back by the shoulders. “We’ll wait outside. I promise. We’ll wait for Catarina, okay? You heard them, there’s nothing else to do now.”  
Alec looked from his parabatai and back to Magnus where he laid on the bed and suddenly everything hit him. _There’s nothing you can do…_

 This was not supposed to happen. He was a Shadowhunter, by the Angel, all his life he had been told how feelings were nothing but a distraction. How hard he had fought against them at the beginning, his feelings for Magnus just to watch him tear down his walls, the walls that he had been building for the last 18 years. Slowly, Alec had let him. Had let himself get lost in Magnus, in his eyes, in his body, in his mind. He had let him in, like no other before and he had accepted the fact that he was doomed. How he gladly let himself fall into this thing called love.

And yet, no one had told him how to react, if he somehow would allow himself to said feelings, and what to do when the love of your life slowly slips away in your arms.

   And so, Alec let Jace guide him out of the room and to the corridor, with a ringing sound in his ears and an empty gaze. Isabelle and Simon had rose from their seats as soon as the doors to the ward had opened and Isabelle was fast to walk up to her brothers. 

“I called Catarina, she’s on her way,” she told Alec, her eyes shiny from tears.

“Is there, uhm, is there anything I can do?” Simon asked, standing behind her, not wanting to interrupt. Alec was just about to thank him, for being there so quickly, when Catarina walked up behind him.  
“What happened?” She said, her voice failing her and as soon as Alec had seen her, he felt the tears burning behind his eyes. “I don’t - I don’t know, he collapsed right in front of me - he started having a nose bleed - said something I don’t understand and I -”  
“He’s inside,” Jace said, and pointed towards the doors. “Please.”  
“I’ll do everything I can.” She quickly squeezed Alec’s arm before hurrying into the room.

_____

 

_I should have known. I should have known something was wrong. I should have known. I should have known something was wrong. I should have known. I should have known."_

“Alec.”  
“Hm?”  
“Sit down,” Jace said softly “You’re stressing me out.”

He, Isabelle and Simon was sitting down by now, waiting for information, and order, anything, watching as Alec walked back and forth, like a trapped animal in a cage.  
“I can’t.”  
“I know you don’t want to hear it, but time won’t move any faster just because you stress yourself up, okay?”  
“I know that.”  
“Sit down brother.” Isabelle tried. Eventually he obeyed. Alec crouched down on the chair, moving his legs up and down, Isabelle and Jace on each side of him.  
“You changed your mind?,” Simon said and once again offered some water to Alec who just shook his head. He had gone to get it a couple of minutes earlier, not sure what else to do while they waited.  
“How long has it been?” Isabelle asked and looked from the door to Jace who shrugged.  
“Too long..” Alec mumbled.

It had been more than 20 minutes when Catarina finally opened the door, causing Alec to pretty much jump up from the chair, the rest following him.  
“How is he?”  
Catarina was quiet for a while, choosing her words wisely. “He is stable.”  
“Alright… When can I see him?”  
“He is stable. Stable, but at the moment.. I had to put him in a coma.”  
The words hit Alec like a fist in the stomach, making him feel like the air left his lungs for a second and he felt the adrenaline, together with whatever hope that had been left, leaving him completely, his body failing him as he staggered and reached for Jace’s arm. “ _Oh Angel_ .. No, no, no, no-” _It’s my fault. Everything is my fault._  
“Hey, hey -” Jace tried to steady him and did his best to get Alec to sit back down on the chair again, while Isabelle stood still, her hand over her mouth, trying to listen to the rest of the things Catarina told them.  
“Hey, listen to me -” Jace said,crouching down in front of Alec, kissing the top of his head as he watched Alec lean in on himself, pulling his hair.  
“It’s my fault,” Alec mumbled, rocking back and forth. He didn’t know what hurt the most, the burning in his eyes and the tears that would come with it, the feeling of his chest about to explode and his heart breaking, or the fact that it was all his fault.  
“No, it’s not,”  
“My fault - my fault, angel, my fault -”  
“Shh, listen, I promise you it’s not your fault, Alec please,”  
“I should have - should have known, I -”  
“It’s not your fault.”  
“It is.”  
“It’s not.”  
Simon was standing, arms crossed over his chest like he usually did when he was worried, his face expression reflecting his feelings as well. What they all felt. He watched the two of them, remembering one of his and Jace’s conversation a long long time ago, where Jace had snapped, telling him not to talk about his parabatai. It felt like a lifetime ago. Ironically, it was.

He watched Catarina laying her hand on Isabelle’s shoulder before going back to the ward, and how the dark haired girl joined her brothers, putting her arms around Alec’s broad shoulders.  
“What do I - what do I do?”

“It’s going to be okay,” Isabelle whispered as a tear ran down her face.

“Angel, angel help me - please.” _This was not supposed to happen. No, this was not the way it was supposed to go. We were going to move in together,_ Alec thought as he pressed his nails into his palm. He felt Jace’s hands over his own and in the distance he heard him, telling Alec to stop it. But this time no words left Alec’s mouth, just a gasp before he broke down sobbing.

“We are going to fix this, okay? Right now you just have to remember to breath, okay?” Jace said, practically begged as he leaned his forehead against Alec’s, closing his eyes. Simon wondered if this, again, was some kind of telepathy, if Jace actually was able to send something for Alec to grasp through their bond. If so, Simon wished he would send something from all of them.


End file.
